109 posts tagged “life”

身边有很多朋友的生活都在改变，也不知道是环境变了，所以生活理念也跟着变了， 或者是因为顺应生活理念上的改变，所以转换了跑道。总而言之，就是。。。变了。

一个一向很 “不食人间烟火”的老同学， 昨天对我说了， “钱不一定能买到幸福。不过，有钱可以带来更多选择， 有更多的选择，就可能找到快乐。No choice, 很辛苦。”  我虽然明白她想说的 （因为别的朋友也说过类似的话）， 但是从她的口里听到这番话，还是满震撼的。 我开始怀念从前那个纯朴的她。

是我长不大吗？不切实际？开始觉得自己有点象个苦行僧， 在人人在找捷径让日子好过一点的世界里， 我还在坚持 "苦中作乐“ 。 为了什么，我也不是很清楚， 只隐隐约约知道，害怕在花花世界迷失了自己。

*思*

前两天带爸爸去看医生.他看着医生们在医院里忙着, 又说了, 如果你和妹妹当年是读医科的,那有多好.
已经不是第一次听他这么说了.

又和妈妈谈到阿姨. 她说, 年轻时的阿姨也算是专业人士, 后来为了能照顾孩子,放弃了工作,当起家庭主妇. 她的牺牲, 造就了三个孩子的成功, 培育了三个前途光明的人才. 我暗自庆幸, 还好我不是阿姨的女儿, 要不然她一定后悔死 - 牺牲了, 培育出的仍是一个庸人.

我忍不住,还是和妈妈说了, 孩子是孩子, 自己是自己, 可不可以不要把两件事扯在一起? 把自己的成就感, 建立在儿女的成功与否, 是不是对儿女的压力太大了? 是否剥夺了儿女日后选择的权利?某某妈妈为了照顾年幼的女儿放弃了自己的事业, 日后女儿长大有了自己的孩子后, 是否还有权力也选择放弃事业, 在家当全职妈妈? 还是会有种无形的压力, 要努力地让上一代的牺牲与"投资", 得到最大的效应, 获得最大的回报, 所以非得"越成功越好?"

拼命地往前跑, 压力固然很大, 但坚持平淡,普通, 压力也不小.
满足于 "丰衣足食", "够吃够用" 的小幸福, 维持得很吃力.

...to say hi to those who missed me. I'm sorry I haven't been blogging - I'm not sure what's gotten into me but I have been in a perpetual state of blankness of late. I don't want to think very much, and what naturally follows is that I don't write very much either.

But here's just a quick update on what's going on in my life right now. We celebrated my birthday yesterday, in our usual quiet way. The mister took a day off work and we set off for a dimsum lunch and then scrambled back home again to lay our hands on the Nintendo Wii he got me. I'm nursing an aching arm now from all the cyber-tennis. ;)

Thoughts on turning a year older...well, usually I'm not one to be afraid of growing older, but this time I resent the reminder that my biological clock is ticking away. It's unsettling. Maybe we will never get there and I should just ignore the ticking of the clock since it's probably irrelevant, but the noise is...infinitely irritating. So for now, I say, somebody kill that alarm clock please.

Other than that annoying bit, life's generally fine, life goes on.

And my favourite line of the day is,

"Flooded, burnt, baked and frozen,
grass can withstand it all."

- as quoted from the documentary Planet Earth

...coz' I have been gorging myself silly on mindless indulgences like Internet TV, Facebook games and simply doing  nothing.  I know it is therapeutic because I am longer afraid of my handphone's ringtone. Yes, long long ago, in a workplace galaxy one month ago, I was so keyed up I literally jumped whenever I heard my handphone ring. I have since changed my ringtone, haha.

So, life is a blissful blank right now. I'll be back when I snap out of this lalala state.  

这一年来, 生活过得很紧绷，现在突然慢了下来, 需要时间适应。时间上的分配，金钱上的支配，都需要调整。
还好，因为摆脱了上班族的忙碌，不需要用消费来减压 ，恰恰适合缩了水的荷包。

对物质的欲望减少了，有点在为生活解毒 (detox) 的感觉。

又推掉了另一份不错的全职工作，得到的结论是， 虽然对自己想要的有点模糊， 对自己所不想要的，却是清楚得很。 这也算是向前迈进了一步吧。

选择了放弃朝九晚五的安定，害怕吗？说真的，有一点。这种自由，是要用钱买的：原本能领的年薪，就是这自由的价码。买了这么贵的自由，会害怕 “下错了赌注”，回报不及本钱， 得不偿失。不过，如果因为害怕（怕输心理+对未知的恐惧）而死抓着不放，又怎么可能让自己有机会出走出这已经走了太久的框框呢？

放得下， 这是我的财富，让我有本钱能去开拓不一样的精彩。
来临的一年里，任务就是出去走走，听听别人的故事，体会生活中大大小小的感动。值不值得，日后自然会有分晓。

We were hit by a ferocious storm today. The teacup shook violently, from eight to five. Or maybe a few hours more, I'm not sure - I'm not too good with numbers. Anyway, the good news is, I survived. The bad news is, I'm now stranded on the Sea of Migraine. I have also lost my best friend, Appetite. Oh, this solitude... it's real, I feel it right there in the pit of my stomach. *sob*

I'm now putting this SOS message in a glass capsule, and hope the waves will carry it ashore. If you read this, please call Patrol Panadol to let them know someone needs to be rescued from the Sea of Migraine. It's really choppy here, and I'm feeling awfully queasy. I really don't want to pollute the ocean - come quickly, please.

It would be really great if Patrol Panadol could find my friend Appetite as well and reunite us.

With lots of love and gratitude,
Koalacling  

Have I mentioned how I frequently meet old folks who would stop and chat? Maybe they are lonely, or maybe they think I look lonely - who knows? Anyway, I enjoy most of these conversations coz' many of these grandpas and grandmas are refreshingly candid -  being pretentious is no longer fashionable at their age. They often share their stories and insights without expecting anything in return - all I have to do is to listen.

Some encounters leave deeper impressions than others. This morning, on my bus journey to work, I met this Grandpa to whom I tried to offer my seat. He gallantly insisted that ladies should remain seated, and from there, hanging on for dear life from the handrails, he began chatting with me. In the short span of 10 minutes, I found out where he lives, where he used to live, where his son lives, how old his granddaughter is, and his schedule every morning, in case we meet again (!). Finally, some guy alighted and Grandpa sat down in the vacant seat, a few rows in front of me.

Three or four turns later, it was time for me to alight and I made my way to the exit. As Grandpa was seated rather far away from the exit, I didn't think it was necessary to alert him to my departure. After all, it was just casual chatting between strangers, right?

Wrong. Grandpa saw me, and called out very loudly to me from his seat (in Mandarin), "Miss, you are alighting here ah? You forgot to say byebye to me leh...byebye ah! Take care, ok?"

I smiled very sheepishly and waved a timid byebye as the rest of the passengers stared at me. (^__^)|| But the encounter with this bubbly personality added some cheer to my otherwise dreary work day. Thank you, Grandpa! :)

借张惠妹的歌, 谈谈自己对“来世”的感想。

从小就听父母说要好好修行，积德，往后才得以升至“极乐世界”， 或是这个天，那个天， 什么来着。
基督徒的朋友们也常说，要相信主， 归于主， 死后才能升到天堂去。

说真的，我对这一切，都满抗拒的。 并非想入地狱，但对于天堂，也没有憧憬。
死后，就不能是 ”无“ 吗？Nothingness. Poof. 就这样从所有的空间蒸发。什么都不想要，哪都不想去。

并不是消极，悲观。 只是觉得把希望寄托在 “来世”，并以“积德”，“信念” 来换取各个天国的“入门券”，是一种变相的追求。和追求人间的种种，真的有那么大的区别吗？

（我指的 “来世”， 并不局限于六道轮回。就算超脱了轮回，没有了实质的存在，精神还是存在着的，也是 "a form of existence", 对吗？） 

*仍在沉思中*